PAUL RANTS

Posted by Paul at June 30th, 2009

It’s official: Michael Jackson is the most famous dead person in history. Can we give it a rest now? Must every media outlet reflect back the magnitude of his fame? OK, he was really, really famous, and he died. He was Global. Bushmen knew of him. Filipino prisoners learned his choreography. And has there ever been anyone so hateful of their own nose? I don’t think so. It doesn’t matter when you were a kid, a young adult, or a middle aged person during the last 40 years, you knew who this guy was. I remember my sister playing the Jackson 5 ABC album when I was 8 and dancing to the Off the Wall album when I was 16, but of course he only got more and more famous. Congratulations to him for his accomplishments. And too bad about the little boys.

UPDATE: There will be a public viewing of Jackson’s corpse at Neverland Ranch.

UPDATE II: Cable news reporting that Michael Jackson is still dead.

Posted by Paul at June 11th, 2009

A man in his 30s comes to the library every day to read and browse our collection, we’ll call him Tom. Sometimes Tom can be seen standing motionless in the stacks, concentrating intently on the shelved books. Well, make that between the shelved books. More often than not, a young female will be opposite Tom in the next aisle or at a table studying. Since no one complains and he doesn’t seem to do anything but discreetly watch, management allows him to stay.

A few years ago a library monitor saw Tom “playing with himself”. You might think this sort of activity would get you kicked out of a public library. Not always. Tom marched upstairs and convinced management he wasn’t playing with himself, but simply “adjusting”. These adjustments were necessary, he said, because of a condition known as elephantiasis of the genitals. I am not making this up.

So, Tom and his unwieldy package continue to frequent the library. Until yesterday, when a distraught college girl reported a man loudly masturbating in the stacks. Tom was asked to leave.

UPDATE: Punishment: one month suspension from the library.