PAUL RANTS

Posted by Paul at March 27th, 2008

Hillary Clinton creates her own reality: Sniper fire on her airplane as it lands in Bosnia. She sprints to safety, ducking bullets. But CBS has the 1996 news footage from that day: no snipers, just Hillary being greeted by… a little girl with flowers.

Senator Clinton claims she “misspoke”. Somehow, when misspeaking, she invented a story out of whole cloth that didn’t happen. Did she confuse it with another dangerous landing? Sorry, the First Lady never had any such landing anywhere. Well, Hillary’s only human. She made a mistake. Oops, lied about being shot at by snipers! Now she asks us to just excuse it, as if it means nothing.

Back to attacking Obama and empowering McCain.

UPDATE: Bosnians Shocked, Angered by Clinton’s Lie

See Hillary fall

Posted by Paul at March 24th, 2008

White House counsel and torture enabler John Yoo makes a case for crushing a child’s testicles:

Cassel: If the president deems that he’s got to torture somebody, including by crushing the testicles of the person’s child, there is no law that can stop him?

Yoo: No treaty

Cassel: Also no law by Congress — that is what you wrote in the August 2002 memo…

Yoo: I think it depends on why the President thinks he needs to do that.

The President needs the legal option to crush a kid’s balls, should a suitable reason come up.

America: Don’t mess with us, or we’ll crush the balls of your children.

Well thank God it’s entirely George Bush’s decision.

It’s about time we had the power to torture kids. They’ve had it way too easy for too long. If I’m subject to having my balls crushed, then really, kids should be too. How did government sanctioned child torture stay illegal this long? Finally Bush/Cheney put a stop to all that.

Posted by Paul at March 16th, 2008

The attacks on Obama have come fast and furious from the Clinton campaign. We can only now catch our breath and address some of them (in chronological order):

1) Obama plagiarized a speech. First of all, it wasn’t a speech, it was a few lines about the power of words and some examples from great speeches. Maybe Obama shouldn’t have re-used those lines (which he borrowed from a friend). But only because it makes him a target for Hillary. By the way, she borrowed phrases from John Edwards, without asking. Welcome to Hillary’s bizarro world.

2) Obama praised Ronald Reagan (gasp!). Obama said the Reagan presidency represented a major shift in American politics, which it did. He wasn’t making a judgment of Reagan, he was pointing out how conservatism rose in the 1980s. Obama’s record hardly makes him a conservative. And like it or not, Reaganism did happen. Oh yeah, and there’s no such thing as Clintonism. Unless you’re talking about behavior like this:

3) Hillary, when asked if Obama was a Christian: “As far as I know…” The easily verifiable facts: he’s been going to the same church for 20 years and she’s attended Senate prayer breakfasts with him. But I guess it depends on what the meaning of “know” is.

4) Obama is not ready to be Commander-in-Chief, unlike John McCain. Did she really say that? Oh no she didn’t! I mean, wait, yeah, that’s exactly what she said, more than twice. The nominee for the other party is more qualified. That has to be a first.

5) Obama’s pastor made some anti-U.S. statements so Obama must agree, despite all evidence to the contrary. So to sum up: Obama hates America, is secretly a Muslim, can’t write a speech (Hello? Have you heard this guy speak?) admires Ronald Reagan, and can’t be trusted in a crisis. But he’d make a great Vice President. For a candidate who trails him by 100 delegates and a half million votes. Is anyone following this?

6) In planned acts of televised desperation, Clinton attack dog Geraldine Ferraro tells us Obama got this far because he’s black. Following in the long line of black nominees for President of the U.S, I suppose. So it comes to this: “No fair, he’s black”? What next?

UPDATE: A forthright speech from Obama on race in America.

7) Hillary is waiting for Obama to get shot. OK, she didn’t exactly say that, but she made everyone think it, including the millions of black voters whose greatest leader was gunned down, and who used to support her. Creepy, wrong, and not the first time she’s brought it up.

Posted by Paul at March 1st, 2008

OK, she might make nice arm candy for giant black sumo wrestlers, but teen sensation Miley Cyrus is starting to bug the hell out of me. She pops up on every award show and even got interviewed by Barbara Walters after the Oscars (where I learned that Miley has her own wing in the mansion she bought for her and her parents). The girl has reached near total media saturation and shows no signs of slowing down. It’s now at the point where her odd eating habits make the news.

Miley’s dad Billy Ray Cyrus had a hit with Achey Breakey Heart back in the 90s. He was also known for his mullet, which has now been replaced with Keith Urban’s hairstyle. One thing Billy Ray made sure of before his little girl got too famous: she would attend a “purity ball” with him. In case you don’t know what a purity ball is, get ready to be creeped out. It’s a formal dance where a teenage girl brings her dad as a date and promises “to stay true to him” and not have sex with anyone else until marriage. He even gave her a ring (gag). Meanwhile she dresses like this for the paparazzi:

Oh yeah, she’ll stay true to Daddy. I mean, no pressure, right? Responsible for the livelihoods of hundreds of people, supporting her parents, about to get her driver’s license, designer clothes, purity ball. Oh Yeah, she’ll be fine…

Maybe she should stick with a more innocent look:

That’s better. Much more age appropriate. Let’s see, knee high socks, short plaid skirt. No grown man would ever find that attractive.

Please go away, Miley. Move to Arkansas or something. Get a farm. You made your millions, now go have a normal life. Finish high school, go to college. Get the hell away from your dad and get a nice unfamous boyfriend. Do it now, so we never have to see that VH1 special that we all know is coming: Top Ten Miley Meltdowns.