PAUL RANTS

Posted by Paul at November 30th, 2007

One thing about Christian fundamentalists, they would hardly mind if you named a teddy bear Jesus. Not so for their Muslim counterparts. A British teacher in the Sudan who dared call a teddy Mohammed will spend 15 days in an overcrowded, malaria infested Sudanese prison. But that’s not all. Thousands of the faithful are calling for her execution. What is wrong with these people (besides religion, that is)? Well I, for one, am grateful to live in a noticeably less ass-backward society. Of course this is America; Sudan is a lot further down the food chain. But they sure aren’t making it any easier to resist the carpet-bomb-’em-all crowd. So thanks guys, for setting the religious fundamentalism bar lower still. Get your Jesus bears while you can.

UPDATE: A recent HBO documentary on the Darfur region put the plight of the British teacher (now safely back home) in to perspective. The Muslim government that imprisoned her has been commiting genocide and terror against non-Muslims in Sudan for the past several years, a horrific state of affairs that the rest of the world acknowledges but does little about. It’s easy to illuminate a single person being victimized — hundreds of thousands, not so much. Slogans like “Never forget” and “What would Jesus do?” must seem rather empty to the persecuted in Darfur.

Posted by Paul at November 20th, 2007

It just wasn’t going to happen. They wanted me there at 7:30 a.m. but I was still awake at 5, tossing and turning. So that’s two, count ‘em, one, two Failures to Appear for Jury Duty. Tried to call the automated excuse line but, sorry, that option is not available to those who have Failed to Appear. So on to plan B: call the courthouse directly and talk to a real person. “I’m sick, and will stay sick for the next five business days. If I must be summoned again in the future, can it be to Beverly Hills instead of Downtown L.A., say around 10ish..?” Seriously, I have Meniere’s disease and could succumb to debilitating nausea at a moment’s notice. Especially after a night of no sleep stressed over having to be up at dawn to go somewhere I don’t want to be. But you know what? I’d almost rather puke for three hours then be in a Downtown courthouse at 7:30 a.m. Not that I didn’t make an attempt — I got up from not sleeping and got ready, left the house, drove off. Traffic on the 10 freeway moved eastward but I instead found myself steering my car to Carrow’s restaurant in Santa Monica where they have free WiFi. Later I called in sick to the courthouse, just to cover my ass. Happy to report it’s possible for chronic no-shows to be excused if you talk to a human and make something up. They rescheduled me for December 17th, Downtown, 7:30, no exceptions. Thinking of actually going this time.

UPDATE 12/17/07: So I went. Got there on time, in the rain. The next logical step? It’s probably easy to figure out by now. That’s right: they immediately put me on a jury panel for a criminal trial starting in January. They estimate it will last 30 days. The inevitable has arrived, with bells on. Happy new year.

Posted by Paul at November 14th, 2007

Dear Bill,

I never thought I’d say this to a man: I miss you. Your quick wit, the way you crystallize my indignation. It’s Friday night and you’re not on HBO to sum up the week. Why am I even paying for HBO? I already saw Blood Diamond twice. Only you can remind me why I hate conservatives while making me laugh out loud. Sure, you’re kind of a smart ass. But there’s something about the way you point out the hypocrisy and ineptitude of our political leaders (and those who follow them like sheep).

I know, there’s a strike. But your show on HBO rises above all that, no? Can’t you and your writers somehow get together with your producers and just make new shows anyway? You know, so me and everyone else can hear you mine your sarcastic gold every Friday night. Just like you used to.

Come back.

Sincerely,
Paul

UPDATE 1/11/08: Bill is back! Friday nights at 8 on HBO, sans writers.

Posted by Paul at November 11th, 2007

Ellen Degeneres was a popular stand up comic who became an even more popular sit-com star. After the famous “coming out” episode, they brought in some stiff to play her girlfriend and the show lost its edge. Amazingly, her once funny sit-com became completely devoid of humor. Then she got a daytime talk show — a perfect fit, right? But one day she decided to go on air and cry about a puppy. For a week. About a puppy. A comedian. Crying. So then the writer’s strike began and she went on to say she stood with the writers, even though she was producing new shows without them. Next she’ll probably go on and tell everyone how bad she feels that the writers are now pissed off at her (crying, of course). Jay Leno, another once great comedian rendered humorless, shows re-runs and still pays his non-writer staff. He’s laying low. Ellen can certainly afford to do that. But then no one could see her hem and haw and weep for the camera, so really, what would be the point..?

Posted by Paul at November 6th, 2007

Californians and New Yorkers can rest easy knowing their senators on the Judiciary Committee approved an Attorney General nominee who won’t say waterboarding is illegal. Never mind that we’ve prosecuted Japanese officers as war criminals for performing exactly the same torture technique. Never mind that unless the specific technique is entered into law the Geneva Conventions no longer apply. This vote by our representatives will now be be interpreted by the Bush administration as legal support for torture, in our name. Oh and, surprise, California senator Diane Feinstein’s husband made $600 million in war contracting money.

Winning hearts and minds and the moral high ground are out the window. Torture, greed and hypocrisy are this nation’s new creed and message to the world. We will no longer make allies from enemies as we did with Japan and Germany. Radical change has come to the U.S., from a White House with lower approval ratings than Richard Nixon during his last days in office. Not only are a small group of neocons dictating what kind of country we are, the Democratically controlled Congress is helping them.

More on waterboarding here

UPDATE: The President’s Coming-Out Party

Posted by Paul at November 3rd, 2007

When I was a kid playing air guitar in my room along with Led Zeppelin I never thought I’d be listening to lead singer Robert Plant in my 40s. The strutting front man has toned down considerably, in fact he doesn’t so much sing as whisper on a new album with Alison Krauss, the angel-voiced bluegrass legend. On Raising Sand they take turns in the spotlight and add harmonies over stark arrangements of old blues, rockabilly, and country tunes. Producer T-Bone Burnette gets a haunting unpolished sound with no soaring pedal steel guitars or pounding drum kits. Instead, we get a slow burn of hushed but passionate vocals and minimal instrumentation, perhaps owing more to Krauss’ country roots than Plant’s hard rock, but something entirely different (Daniel Lanois and Tom Waits come to mind). The playing is stellar throughout; the band are so in the pocket on the rollicking track Let Your Loss Be Your Lesson that it’s almost ridiculous, and that’s just one example. As for the vocals, Plant and Krauss are pure honey. Worth a listen, especially for grown-ups.