PAUL RANTS

Posted by Paul at March 27th, 2007

Yeah, so I’m a really big toad, you wanna make something of it? And that’s my masseur Guido, best thumbs in the business. What do ya want from me? Always with the pictures. I’m the size of a goddamn handbag, alright? Ya happy? Can you tell me what the hell time it is, I can’t see Guido’s watch. That’s right, got eyes on the side of my head and I can barely see to the side. Ooh, like you’re the first one to point that out. Could ya scroll down and read about Bush or something, you’re starting to bother me.

Posted by Paul at March 25th, 2007

McCartney Signed to new Starbucks label

Ah yes, the classics: Let it Be, The Fool on the Hill, Yesterday, When I’m Sixty-Four, Hey Jude, A Low Fat Venti Caramel Machiatto… Paul McCartney joins the jazz reissues and up and coming emo bands on sale next to the chocolate covered graham crackers at Starbucks. Now he can release his break-up album; Sinatra had In the Wee Small Hours, Dylan had Blood on the Tracks. Now McCartney, who just lost a major chunk of his fortune (No pre-nup!) to a one legged x-wife he only knew for two years, can release Bittersweet Half-Calf Latte to recoup his losses. Maybe he’ll do a cover of Black Coffee In Bed by Squeeze, or better yet, write his own catchy, crying-in-my-espresso tune. Or maybe they’ll remix his classics, with a subliminal Starbucks plug embedded in the tracks. Can’t wait.

Seriously, does Paul McCartney really need Starbucks to sell music? He’s one of a handful of popular musicians who actually changed the way music was played. He has more money then he or his children’s children will ever need (whether or not he had a pre-nup). This seems like a huge win for Starbucks but a strange choice for a musician that’s already become a cultural icon without the help of a corporate logo.

Posted by Paul at March 25th, 2007

There he is, the next member of the Bush administration headed out the door, Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales. He lied to us about the firing of eight U.S. attorneys, we have the e-mails proving he lied, and he doesn’t need to work for us anymore. Axing eight attorneys for blatantly partisan reasons in the middle of their tenures and lying about it may not be illegal, but it’s wrong, and more glaringly, it’s very, very poor job performance.

But let’s not forget: The fish rots from the head down.

Posted by Paul at March 6th, 2007

Libby Found Guilty on Four Counts

If Scooter Libby is guilty, Dick Cheney is as well. What little credibility the vice president had is officially gone. Resignation or subeona looms, or should anyway. But the media needs to push Congress and people need to write their Congress members.

Most of us will just watch it like a tawdry television drama, if we pay attention at all. I guess a laissez faire paradise like the U.S. can be run by a criminal conspiracy as long as it doesn’t effect the bottom line. I’d be pleasantly surprised if Congress did anything to take control away from that conspiracy.

Dear Congressperson,

Myself and most of the nation have no confidence in Vice President Cheney, who appears to be responsible for war crimes and profiteering. Today we learned his office undermined CIA eavesdropping on our potential enemies to make it easier to get away with overthrowing an oil-rich dictatorship. Yes, his foreign policies have been highly profitable to U.S. corporations, but they have also been disastrous and illegal. Please, at the very least, demand his resignation, or better yet, impeach him on our behalf.